I am a shameless marketer.(blatant lip-glossed BS)

To answer I present below all the reasons, goals, processes and a call to arms.

We are adrift in a world of bland, vanilla ideas, candy coated nuisances, irritating ad campaigns and poorly drawn cartoon characters.(reason)

The main directive is ultimately to get my client's name up in lights, on the bill, in the news, on the street, in your face/space, attention focused on and "to the moon alice" publicity.(goal 1)

I want the glare of the limelight blinding your competitors and lending a guide to customers.(goal 2)

You can look like the only light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.(goal 3)

I boldly travel through this maze of ignorance, blindly stumbling, stepping in/on all that is unwanted but necessary, just to make viable points about my clients! (process 1)

I can promise I will implore, plead, supplicate, threaten, appeal, request, importune, solicit, canvas, lobby, cadge, scrounge, panhandle, cajole, beg, intimidate, pester, border on the absurd, lend myself to the bizarre and grovel indiscriminately to achieve this. (process 2)

You need me on your team, if you plan to survive this sad, pathetic, post traumatized society which frighteningly teeters on the brink of the abyss.(okay that one is a little over the top!)

Let me cheaply traverse the cosmos of no parachute marketing for you.(goal 4)

It'll put you head and shoulders, above your peers.(goal 5)

I'll make your name a wet willie-like buzz in the ear of humanity.(goal 6)

A wake up call to let everyone know you mean business doing business.(goal 7)

Don't contact me tomorrow. You don't have time, call or email me NOW!!!(call to arms 1)

This dire situation can only be improved through proactive, focused work among those who really care.(call to arms 2)

Let's start shaking the publicity tree together, right away.

(welcoming the corps, creating camarederie)